Tag 505: Tantrum-Queen

w3b1Die Emma von der Mama

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Drei Wochen lang war Emma liebreizend, ausgeglichen – ein Kind zum Eisprung-Kriegen. Das kostet natürlich, den Preis kenne ich jetzt: Emma hüpft von einem Tantrum ins nächste.

Tantrum ist, was meine älteste Freundin mit einer wegwerfenden Handbewegung zu meinen ungefilterten Wutausbrüchen sagte. Einst, als wir alle noch ein paar Tage jünger waren. „Gnäääh, Tantrum…“  Wer mit dem Wort weniger vertraut ist, dem hilft der Google-Übersetzer:

Soweit die Theorie. Die Praxis sieht folgendermaßen aus: Emma schreit den ganzen Tag. Wenn ich übertreibe, dann wirklich nur minimal. Die Hälfte der Zeit schreit sie auf dem Boden liegend, und häufig schlägt sie sich vor lauter Wut sogar noch den Kopf an – irgendwas findet sich da eigentlich immer, zumal sie völlig außer Fassung gerät und ihren Körper gar nicht mehr richtig im Griff zu haben scheint. Die Anlässe lassen die Zustände in Nordkorea an Unmenschlichkeit nahezu verblassen – hier meine Top 3 aus den heutigen zwei Stunden zwischen Kita-Schluss und Schlafengehen:

Platz 3: Emma darf nicht im Müll wühlen. Schreikrampf vor der Heizung in der Küche, mit jetzt-schmeiß-ich-mich-hin und dann-käfere-ich-auf-dem-Rücken-über-die-Fliesen.

Platz 2: Ich bitte Emma, mir meine Gabel zurück zu geben. Am Ende des Wutanfalls hat sie sich unter dem Sofatisch so verkantet, dass ich sie großangelegt bergen muss.

Platz 1: Die Schuhe ihres Teddys sind Emma zu klein. 15 Minuten Tobsuchtsanfall, inklusive Umfunktionieren der Schuhe zu einem Morgenstern, der unkontrolliert herumgeschleudert wird.

Und jetzt? Jetzt schläft sie. So friedlich. Dann entschuldige ich mich einfach morgen bei ihr für meine Gene. Vielleicht auch bei ihren Erzieherinnen, denn beim Abholen bekam ich folgende Info: „Heute morgen wollte Emma unbedingt dauerhaft auf dem Arm getragen werden und hat deshalb sehr lange und laut mit Melanie geschimpft. Naja, sie hat eben einen sehr starken Willen.“

Ich schließe mich jetzt schonmal im Bad ein und verstecke mich dort vor der Pubertät.

Foto: Frauke Weber

Fotos bilden hier ausschließlich eine Person ab: mich. Ähnlichkeiten mit Emma sind vorhanden. Erschütternde Ähnlichkeiten.

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